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Cynthia Eaton and Christina Vargas
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The mirror and the window are often used as metaphors for the need for self-reflection (mirror) and to be observant of our environment (window) as we do work aimed at making the world more just, equitable, diverse and inclusive. |
When you’ve told a student three times the process to withdraw from a class but they keep not getting it, or when they repeatedly just don’t show up for appointments with you, or when they blow up about how hard it is to register as a student needing accommodations, it’s easy to throw up your hands in frustration. When a parent calls because they feel a professor is grading their child too harshly, or when students vent about fees they feel don’t apply to them, it might be tempting to cut them off and say, “Whoa, I think you’re getting too defensive.”
All kinds of hot moments have been cropping up in the student services arena over the past few years, such as a tone from students or their parents that doesn’t seem to fit the situation, disruptive behaviors, people losing their temper or getting upset or defensive, or other sudden or awkward eruptions of tension.
However, as Jared Dowd (Counseling, Grant) reminds us, it’s critical that we remain patient and look at things from the student perspective. “There was daily trauma for many of our students during the pandemic,” he noted. “They struggled with losing people around them, they struggled with paying for housing or paying the bills, they struggled to get a class schedule and to get through financial aid. The prolonged effects of all of this disruption have led to compassion fatigue.”
Chief Diversity Officer Christina Vargas, who hosted a workshop on how to manage hot moments for student services professionals on March 24, said that it feels like we’re all a bit crispy around the edges. We’re not entirely raw, and we’re not entirely burnt, but it feels like many people—understandably—have an extra bit of an edge as a result of the pandemic. In November 2021, The WORD reported on the hot moments workshops presented last semester on October 12 and October 22. While open to all, those workshops were mostly centered on classroom faculty. This semester, the hot moments workshop focused on the experiences of the 65 student affairs employees in attendance.
Being equity minded rather than deficit minded is key
Given the changing nature of our student population and the unfortunately ongoing decline in enrollment, it’s mission critical that everyone at the college—administrators, classroom and nonclassroom faculty and support staff alike—work diligently to soften those edges, rise to the occasion and focus on managing these kinds of hot moments so that our students continue to receive the best experience we can provide.
Christina sees some patterns in how hot moments play out at SCCC. Often students have struggles that they are desperate to keep private because they’re too embarrassed to let anyone at the college know. As Christine Miceli (Counseling, Eastern) explained, “It often takes a number of conversations to build trust with students. This has been especially hard more recently because some students have been at home with their parents. In disability services, parents are used to having to actively intervene for their kids in K-12, so it takes a lot for those parents to come to trust that we are here to help their children learn to advocate for themselves.”
Students also, Christina indicated, sometimes legitimately need multiple attempts to get help. They have real reasons for feeling anxious or they might be in denial about needing assistance. And because things feel more threadbare of late, student services professionals are hearing more threats—to file a complaint, to call the dean, to call a lawyer, to contact the college president—which escalates tensions.
To better anticipate and handle hot moments, it’s important that we work diligently to be equity minded rather than deficit minded. This means that rather than focus on the students’ real or perceived shortcomings, we ask ourselves how and why higher education in general or SCCC in particular has worked for so many white students but not so much for racially and otherwise minoritized students. What can we do differently to help all students succeed at SCCC?
First, as Dante reminds us in his cover story, we need to always remember that community college students have a wide variety of stresses: academic, personal, familial, financial and social. Dante discusses how he heard this firsthand from SUNY and CUNY students, including SCCC students, in his article. It can genuinely be hard for students to navigate and understand college. We’re all used to academic jargon and our internal lingo because we work here, but terms like registrar and programs like DegreeWorks are brand new to students.
Second, we should remember that we have a lot of first-generation college students at SCCC. Navigating college can be complicated and confusing when you don’t have people at home to help you through what can feel like a maze. As Dante notes in his cover story, students in several focus groups have expressed that they perceive too many faculty to be uncaring and unhelpful—but they really need our guidance and want to benefit from our expertise. So we should ask ourselves if we have explained the process as clearly as possible? Have we provided options when appropriate? Are we conveying information in easy to understand, jargon-free terms? Have we been clear about expectations and deadlines? We need to be slow, patient and sometimes even repetitive.
Naturally, how we respond to each hot moment depends on a range of factors, including our own personalities, the context and setting, the reason for the tension, concerns about safety and well being, etc. But here are some suggestions that Christina shared during the workshop:
- Be aware of your own reactions. What pushes your buttons? Notice your own defensive reactions and attempt to use these reactions as entry points for gaining deeper knowledge rather than as a rationale for closing off.
- Be mindful of implicit biases and assumptions you might be making about whether students care, about whether they are capable, even about how they dress or carry themselves. Do you expect students to share your cultural, political or historical perspectives? Do you assume all students come from traditional families? Do you expect Black, Latinx, Asian or other racially minoritized students to be all alike within their group?
- Even as you look into the mirror (as with the two bullet points above), you should also look out the window and have some insight into our context. Look at SCCC from the student perspective. Are we as welcoming and inclusive as we can be? Be aware too of structural inequities, which Achieving the Dream (2017) defines as the ways society and institutions are organized that, intentionally or not, create greater advantages for some groups of students more than others. Be equity minded. Equity, grounded in principles of fairness, refers to ensuring that each student receives what they need to be successful through the intentional design of the college experience.
“I’m sorry this happened”: Techniques to try
The workshop included some specific techniques that can help us better manage these fraught situations in a way that can make the college less stressful for students and for us. We share these because it can be challenging to expect the unexpected, but since our experience in the profession helps us to have a sense of what students find generally frustrating, we can do some scripting and practice.
For example, a technique that Cynthia uses as a parent and educator has to do with when her sons periodically complain about friends or when students periodically complain about other professors. Since she wasn’t there during the incident, it’s impossible to know all perspectives and it’s very challenging to weigh in without hearing all sides of a story. To avoid implying that the complainer has no culpability in a situation, she asks first that no names be used. Then she listens carefully to the issue being described, asks a lot of questions and relies on neutral apologies such as “I’m sorry that this happened.” This approach shows that she’s listening and cares about the matter but doesn’t intimate anything like a presumption of guilt or innocence on anyone’s part.
Christina shared a number of other approaches for student affairs professionals:
- Exercise grace and courteous goodwill to de-escalate the situation by communicating thoughtfully and inclusively with the individual. Engage in active, empathetic listening. Ask open-ended questions and truly hear them out—without resorting to a tone that implies “why can’t you just _____ like everyone else does.” Your tone should be calming, sincere and confident.
- Pause and take a moment. Say to the person, “I need a moment to take this in,” then take a deep breath and let there be a brief moment of quiet and calm.
- Depersonalize the situation or issue as much as you can. Refer to broader contexts—e.g., “I understand what you're asking and that question is pretty common. Let me explain”—to illustrate that you’re going to focus on the issue at hand, not individuals involved, and to show that the student isn’t alone in not comprehending everything there is to know about the college.
- If the person is deeply upset and venting, you can help them calm down by taking notes. Say to them, “I’m sorry, I can see that you’re very upset but I’m having trouble hearing all that you’re saying. I want to be clear about this. I’m going to take notes, so could you slow down a bit so I can make sure I understand the situation?” This demonstrates that you’re listening and taking them seriously.
It also helps immensely to have a written record. Some employees are concerned about being secretly recorded. Documenting the incident is wise and it can also help the upset person be a bit more mindful of what they’re saying and how they’re saying it.
- Be sure to acknowledge, validate and reflect their feelings. Break down the issue by paraphrasing what they’re saying. Let them feel heard. Remember that they don’t want to be embarrassed and may not be acknowledging everything; there might well be more to the story. Please do not say to a student or parent, “You’re getting defensive.” It only makes the situation more explosive.
- Correct any misinformation or misunderstandings gently. Remember that college can be hard for students. Provide concrete, simple information that avoids jargon and abbreviations. Elyse Quirk (Veterans Services, Ammerman) added that it helps to explain to students why a process has to be done in a particular way. “I try to get the bigger picture from the student’s perspective, of course, but I also share our bigger picture—in the simplest way possible—because it helps them see why they have to complete all the steps in a certain way.”
- If you can, do a “soft handoff” if you’re sending a student to another office. While the student is still with you, call your colleague in the other office and give them a heads up and make sure the student knows how to get to the next office or building.
- If the individual is really upset, keep reminding yourself not to take it personally. This can be hard at times, but it’s important. As both Jim Banks and Joanne Braxton noted during the workshop, you can help people calm down by lowering your voice. If they’re yelling but you keep speaking softly and calmly, sooner or later they have to lower their voice just to be able to hear you. You could also try standing a bit closer to them so they know they have your undivided attention (research shows that humans are more engaged when they are within eight feet of the person talking to them).
Dionne Walker-Belgrave wrapped up the breakout session by reminding us of Jared Dowd’s beginning thoughts about compassion fatigue: “We cannot forget that we just came through a pandemic,” Dionne said. “We need self-reflection and self-care. If we are not feeling whole, we aren’t going to be able to help others feel whole.”
Christina then concluded the workshop by reminding all of us to ask for help when we need it. “This is not easy,” she reminded us. “We are all crispy around the edges, employees and students alike. I know when I have a particularly irate person in my office I often need to just speak with a colleague—about anything at all, the weather, getting a cup of coffee, anything—to help me decompress.”
This call for solidarity with colleagues is exactly what we need to help heal those crispy edges and move forward in a happier, healthier workplace that better serves our students.